A Heavy Heart on Mother's Day

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It's that time of year again.  No, I don't mean Springtime or daylight savings time. It's time for Mother's Day.  I was reading an article posted from a blog about “Being Motherless on Mother's Day" and it really hit home for me.

 

For those of us who have lost their mom or never knew their mom, it can be a bittersweet day on Mother’s Day without her. Yes, we all can take comfort in the memories of our mother's embrace, her laugh, her cooking, or that special look she gave you when you did something extraordinary - or something wrong. The traditions my Mom, Margaret, taught us are embedded in my memories for a lifetime but it will never feel the same with her gone.

 

At Christmas time, we celebrate our memories by making mom's special recipes.  Decorations and the fine china she used always made their annual appearance in my home and my sisters' homes.  But this year Mother’s Day will deliver another sad blow to us. Last year we lost my two sisters, Jean and Susan, just four months apart. Both died leaving children, and their children, in a bittersweet memory of Mother’s Day past.

 

The younger children in our family know only what we tell them about their grandmother and great grandmother.  It is sad that they will never experience the joy and knowledge we received from my mother. They share the memories of stories and photographs of years gone by.

 

We celebrate Holidays at the family table saying things like "Remember when Mom cooked the 30lb. turkey?" Or we reminisce about the way our mother set the table or decorated the Christmas tree. The heavy heart I feel this time of year starts on May1st and follows me throughout the month to Mother's Day. The pit in my stomach feels like a sadness I just can't explain.

 

It may feel different to some who have accepted that life goes on and we have to face the fact that we are all going to die. But for me, the loss of my mother and my sisters is something that is a continuing heartache. We try to fill the void with making the best of everything.

 

And for those of us who do not have children, Mother's Day is a ghostly reminder of what could have been. So many of us who are childless, enjoy being aunties and caretakers to other children but that reminder is there that we are not mommies, ourselves. But we must lift up our hearts to live and help our younger children in the family. We must take our place by trying to be an auntie, mom and surrogate. It is not an easy task, but it is a most rewarding and needed one.

 

We glance back at our childhoods and thank God for the precious gift of having a mother and sisters and celebrate Mother's Day in the best way we can with a heavy heart. We remember the good times and smile.

 

Happy Mother's Day to all!


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